For this week's "That Thing" I'd like to talk a little about those things I don't want at my grave site. I'm not saying these things don't work for other people but I'd like it known before I die that these are not things that I'd like. As a matter of fact I'd like to go on record and say that I'll most likely haunt whoever allows these things to happen. I'm honestly still undecided as to how my death will go. Will it be a normal burial where family will eventually stop coming? Or will it be what I've said it's going to be for a long time now? I've always thought I wanted to be cremated and have my brother climb the tallest hill in my hometown on a pair of roller skates to spread my ashes. This is the kind of thing my brother and I do to each other. So anyway let me assume for this post that I'll be buried like normal.
Rule #1 - No scary statues. If someone is coming to visit me I don't want them scared away by a creepy statue. I want them to remember me and not have nightmares about a scary statue they saw on the one time a year they'll probably visit me. And yes I have used this picture in a previous post.
Rule #2 - Don't over do it. I see many people leaving things behind at grave sites that were most likely things that people enjoyed when they were alive. I imagine if this happened to me there would be things like bottles of Tapatio (my favorite hot sauce), bacon and maybe a laptop. My mom always gives me things that she like and not necessarily what I like. I don't have room on my grave for a Santa Claus dressed as a cowboy mom...sorry. I sometimes draw conclusions when looking at graves. I concluded that the person in this grave must have been religious and also liked roosters and bears.
Rule #3 - Please do not use any type of wood. I don't want it around my grave or used as a marker. Wood deteriorates to the point most of the markers can't be read. I'm not sure why many people use wood in the first place. The only conclusion I can draw is that it was the most inexpensive way to mark a loved one's grave. This is why I'm still leaning toward cremation. I don't feel it's necessary to burden my family with a large bill because I'm dead. Keep me in your thoughts and don't feel like you have to spend your weekend at my grave site.
Rule#4 - Please don't plant any large shrubs, trees or bushes on my grave unless you intend to maintain them. Many times I see a grave such as the one pictured. The family plants a shrub or plant of some kind to make the grave more appealing yet actually ends up doing the opposite. This bush was so overgrown I couldn't even tell who was buried here. Who knows maybe that was the intent.
Rule #5 - I'm not going to post a picture of anyone for this last rule because I don't feel it's necessary to illustrate my point. I know everyone has seen at least one or two of these. No pictures of me on my grave marker. Why do families always insist on picking the worst possible picture to have embedded on someone's marker? I've seen all kinds of things from women with curlers in their hair, a lady in a hot tub in a not so flattering bathing suit, a guy with a horrible mangy beard, pictures of people with beer and cigarettes in their hands which is probably what killed them in the first place and a host of other not so flattering pictures.
After laying out all these rules I think I'm still sticking to the idea of my brother climbing the hill on roller skates with my ashes in hand. I've also requested that nobody keep a part of my ashes in their home. I do not want to be bound by the constaints of my ashes watching their boring TV shows, hearing them argue and bicker amongst themselves over who gets all my stuff (it's not like I've amassed some great fortune anyway), or having my spirit earthbound. I want to fly around and see what kind of trouble I can get into. So if anything should happen to me these are my current wishes. If they change in any way I'll be sure to let everyone know. Thanks for reading.